Rewired (The Progress Series) Read online

  After a half an hour of reading up on PTSD and bipolar treatments, she concluded that there was nothing more she could do in that department without fear of doing any more damage. You’re not a psychiatrist. Besides, the first rule of that kind of relationship is that the person needs to trust you. Yeah, I’m pretty sure there will be no more confessions coming from Jess.

  Frustrated, she got up from the table and poured another cup of coffee. She glanced over at the fridge, which was holding up her to-do list with a magnet that Maxie had gotten her for Christmas the year prior. The magnet was gold and it had a picture of Buddha on the surface with the words scrolled: We Are What We Think. Hanging loosely below it were the three remaining items on her list.

  List

  Research

  John Sanborn.

  Jesse Sanborn

  Mandy Sanborn

  Treatments for bipolar

  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

  Bike

  Drums

  Bank

  Lily

  Call Karalee…

  She sat down at the computer again and typed in Mandy Sanborn. A very short list of fruitless results came up so she tried one other name. Amanda Sanborn + missing child. Fiddling with her bottom lip, she waited as the results popped up on her screen.

  The first few results were nothing of consequence, so she continued to scroll down. On the second page of results was an archived article from a small St. Paul newspaper. She clicked on it and began reading.

  The Search for Local Missing Five-Year-Old Ends

  Amanda Sanborn of Anoka County, MN was found alive two miles from her home on Wednesday, August 30, Anoka County Sheriff’s Office confirmed yesterday.

  “She was unconscious when the paramedics arrived and had sustained many injuries. She was also severely dehydrated. She is in serious but stable condition,” Jim Clarkson, MD, said in a press release this morning. “We are hopeful that she will wake up soon.”

  Jesse Sanborn, the ten-year-old sibling of Amanda Sanborn, had been babysitting her while their father was at work and their mother was seeking medical treatment. No statement has been made by the family.

  “It is unknown what the prognosis is for Amanda at this time. Comas are things that can not be predicted,” Clarkson continued. “Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.”

  All this Charlie already knew. She backed up her search and went back to the results page. She clicked on a random article with the name Amanda Sanborn.

  Homecoming Nominees

  September 9, 2010

  Osseo Senior High School’s students gathered at a pep rally on Friday to eagerly await the announcement for this year’s Homecoming Court. As each student was announced, applause, hoots and screaming came from all corners of the gymnasium. Below is the list of names as the MC announced them:

  Nominees for Homecoming King

  Roger Belke

  John Carlson

  Jake Anderson

  Gage Norris

  Randall Plante

  Nominees for Homecoming Queen

  Bethany Sanderson

  Amanda Sanborn

  Christine Connolly

  Amy Opitz

  Yvette Perot

  Charlie’s eyes were barraged with an array of images; a picture had been taken of each nominee and the photos filled her screen. In full color, ten sets of eyes stared back at hers, but there was only one bright blue set that caught her senses and sent her heaving for the kitchen sink.

  After unloading her morning coffee, she turned on the faucet and drank from the tap to wash down the sour flavor hitting the back of her taste buds.

  Holy shit.

  Mandy’s still alive.

  Chapter Ten

  Gathering as much information as she could on Mandy, Charlie completed an Intellius search and paid the three bucks to get a current address and phone number. She had no idea what Jesse would do with the information, but she knew he needed to have it.

  She grabbed her work keys and ran to his apartment after printing the photo off her computer. Knowing he wouldn’t let her in if she knocked, she let herself in.

  Creeping in slowly, she stuck her head in, hoping he’d be out in the open living room. But there was no sight of him. She peeked into the kitchen and saw two of his prescriptions laying flat on their sides, pills scattered all around.

  She took a sharp inhale and frantically ran to the bedroom to find him passed out. Or dead. She wasn’t sure.

  Nervously fumbling her way toward him, she whispered his name, hoping it would wake him. But nothing. She tried again and tugged at her chin to get the quivers to stop.

  An empty bottle of Jameson lay on the floor next to the mattress, and she sat down next to his limp body and shook his arm once, whispering his name. Still nothing.

  “No. No. No! Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up on me, damn it. Jesse, wake up!” she said, shaking him by his shoulders, assuming the worst.

  “Don’t fucking do this to me, Jess. Wake up, you asshole!” She began to panic and her hands were trembling uncontrollably.

  “No, no, no.” Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him up to her chest. “No. I love you,” she sobbed. “Wake up! Did you hear me? I said it, I finally fucking said it. I love you. I love you.”

  She wailed into his chest and collapsed onto the bed with him. “I love you,” she whispered.

  He woke suddenly. His hand instantly wrapped around Charlie’s throat.

  Her eyes went wide, allowing a tear to fall on his hand. And as she gasped, she whispered, “Do it.”

  His pupils widened and his grip remained.

  “Squeeze,” she pleaded again.

  He inhaled sharply and loosened his grip.

  She wrapped her hands around his, pressing his thumb into her throat. “Anything’s better than what we’ve been doing to each other.”

  He tried to pull his hand away, but she stopped him.

  “Fucking do it!” she cried.

  Instantly sitting up on the bed, his shoulders squared defensively. “Jesus! What the fuck are you doing, Charlie?” He shook his head to remove his residual nightmare and her cutting words.

  She stepped to the back of the room, her eyes fixed on his profile, until she was backed against the wall.

  He combed his hands through his hair in heartbreak and gave his head a subtle shake. “I’m sorry.”

  She gave a brief nod, her expression stern. Her body numbed and her mind closed.

  Tell him. Tell him now. Get it over with.

  Sitting on the bed, Jess stared into the corner of the room at nothing, waiting for Charlie to speak.

  With her head down, Charlie wrapped her hands behind her back to disguise their tremble. She shot her head up and looked at him. “She’s alive, Jess.”

  “What?” He shook his head, unsure of what she was talking about.

  She exhaled and looked down again. “Mandy is still alive.” Charlie’s pulse rattled in her throat and chest, anticipating his hostility.

  His nostrils flared and he pulled his hand to his heart. “Fuck you,” he growled.

  She stood against the wall, waiting for his realization that she spoke the truth.

  “Why would you say something like that?” His glossy eyes met hers as he stood from the bed. Quickly, he marched heavily in her direction with his chin down. Like a charging bull, he slammed her against the wall and punched the drywall just behind her shoulder. She barely flinched, thinking that she deserved the worst of his rage for being the one to tell him and hoping that this darkness of a life would be over soon.

  “Why the fuck would you say something like that, Charlie!” His fist met the wall again, this time smearing the blood from his knuckles against the white surface, creating a gash in the wall.

  Still she remained silent, tears streaming in full force down her face. Her chest heaved once and her chin quivered with pity. She closed her eyes and handed him the printout of the Homecomin
g Court photos. She had highlighted Mandy’s name in a bright yellow and circled her photo on the page.

  He snatched the paper from her hand and ripped his eyes from his glare. His lips curled up briefly, as though he was preparing to emotionally shred her. He glanced down at the paper once and the yellow brought him straight to Mandy’s face. His lips relaxed and his face softened as he realized he was staring at a set of his own eyes.

  After displaying an array of emotional turmoil, switching from horror to madness to grief to love, Jesse’s knees buckled. Falling to the floor, he sat in a curled position, rocking himself and crying into his knees. With his shoulders shuddering, his torso jerked every time a stuttering breath escaped him.

  Charlie sat behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Resting her head on his back, she sat as close to him as she could.

  Part IV

  Charlie and Jesse

  Chapter One

  “Are you ready?” Charlie asked, sitting in the car with Jess outside the dormitory.

  He laughed. “No.”

  It had been three days since the night Jesse had found out his sister was still alive. He had gone to visit Doctor Jackson the very next day to find out how this could have happened.

  Jackson had no explanation. He had taken what Lily and Jesse told him at face value and had no further obligations to investigate the events surrounding Mandy’s death. Since Jesse was always so reluctant to speak about his sister, there was very little Jackson knew—or needed to know—about her.

  So there they were, sitting in Charlie’s car waiting for the clock on the dash to switch from 5:59 to 6:00, knowing that all classes for the day would have ended by then.

  “Have you figured out why your mom would’ve lied to you about it?” Charlie asked, trying to fill the void of the everlasting minute.

  He shook his head, fumbling with his sunglasses in his lap. Staring at the brick building, he sighed. “I suppose there could be a few different reasons. But it’s been so long, and what I remember about that day has been replayed, rewound, and muddled inside my head. I wouldn’t doubt if I conjured up a story to tell myself in order to make it easier.” He shrugged. “Or, maybe Mom knew social services was going to take me away, and told me in order to protect me from the truth. Or to protect her and my dad from me returning for Mandy someday.” He swallowed, trying to keep down the butterflies caused by the thought of seeing his sister after all these years, but also attempting to gain the courage to talk about something he hadn’t ever fully attempted before.

  “You’ll be fine, I promise,” she said, reaching for his hand.

  “I’ve carried so much guilt from that day. And now in a few minutes, I’m going to see her for the first time in eighteen years. I don’t know what she’s thinking…” He looked down. “Or if she thinks it’s all my fault.”

  “I’m not going to tell you it wasn’t, only because you wouldn’t believe me anyway. You know I don’t think it’s your fault, but my opinion on the subject is of no consequence. This is something you need to talk to your sister about.”

  Jesse nodded and glanced at the dash.

  6:00

  Charlie smiled quickly, but didn’t speak.

  After a squeeze of her hand, Jesse hopped out of the car. Turning back toward the open window, he said, “You don’t need to wait. I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

  She nodded. “I’m going to go get my hair fixed. Turns out I’m not such a great hair stylist.” She chuckled. “I’ll be just a few blocks away.” He smiled nervously. “Oh, and Jess? Good luck. You’ll do fine.”

  He walked up the short staircase outside Mandy’s dorm. His heart flickered with each step as he started thinking about what he was going to say to her.

  ‘Hi, Mandy. It’s me, your brother.’ No. How about, ‘Hi, Mandy. I’m Jesse, the fuckup who ruined your life and, in turn, ruined his own.’ Yeah, that’s really great, asshole. ‘Hi…’

  “Stop,” said a small brunette, putting her hand up to halt him. “This is a girl’s dorm. May I help you?”

  Jesse looked into her brown eyes and considered running at that point. As soon as he said Mandy’s name, it would all become real. “Yes,” he said.

  The girl cocked her head, waiting for his reply.

  “Alyssa!” The shout came from the stairwell as a beautiful blonde came rushing down the steps. As she approached Jesse, her inviting smile and bright blue eyes melted his heart, instantly making him gasp at her beauty. He flashed back to their childhood, watching her bob down the stairs in their old house with her blonde curls bouncing with each step. ‘Nineteen, Twenty! Ready or not, here I come!’ she said, giggling that she had already started searching for him in a game of Hide and Seek.

  “Hey Alyssa, I was going to go to the library. Call me when you’re done here and we can go…” Mandy’s voice trailed off as she glanced at Jesse. Her eyes searched the room wildly, trying to put a name with his face.

  Jesse stared in awe. The ghost of his sister was standing in front of him. It was a thought that instantly made his gratitude go into overdrive, but he was still uneasy as to how she would receive him.

  His memory flashed again: this time the picture painted was of Mandy, running through a park, Charlie’s park, with the string of a kite in her hand. The sun shone down on her blond curls as she turned and giggled, waiting for Jesse to follow her.

  “Hi,” Jesse managed to say.

  “Hey.” Mandy smiled.

  Conflicted with a thousand words swarming in his head, the moment was collapsing around him. As if time had nowhere to go, he was stuck somewhere between then and now, only reliving his childhood memories with the breathtaking little girl that stood in front of him.

  “Er, um…excuse me, sir. Who are you here to see?” Alyssa chirped.

  Watching the terrified look on Jesse’s face, Mandy approached him. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

  He nodded, his eyes gathering tears.

  At the same time that she was waiting for him to speak, her eyes went to the floor. Snapping her head back up in realization, her eyes opened wide and goose bumps formed on her arms. “Jess?”

  Her brow furrowed for a moment before she mirrored Jesse’s buildup of tears. Slowly, she reached out her hands. He accepted the invitation and they stood, recalling what they could about each other, looking into the faces that had aged, yet somehow remained the same.

  “I…I’m…” he managed to whisper.

  She nodded. “I know.” Smiling, she dropped his hands and pulled him into a hug.

  His entire body shivered, then froze. With his torso limp, he reached his arms around her and with each second that passed, a new memory was found, causing his hold on her to tighten; he regained solidity throughout himself.

  “It’s not your fault, Jesse,” she whispered, and he whimpered into her ear.

  *

  Three hours later, Charlie received Jesse’s call. She drove up to Mandy’s dorm and sat parked outside. Nervously strumming her fingers on the steering wheel, she quickly checked herself in the mirror. She wet her fingers and smoothed out the small red waves of hair next to her ears.

  Jesse came striding out of the building, grasping Mandy’s hand. They smiled and laughed as they approached Charlie’s car.

  “Hi, are you Charlie?” Mandy said as Charlie opened her door.

  “Yes. Mandy?” Charlie smiled and reached out her hand.

  Mandy threw her arms around Charlie and thanked her over and over. “I’m so happy you found me. I wish I would’ve known.”

  “Known?” Charlie asked as they broke their embrace.

  “It was such a long time ago. I hardly had any memories of him…until I saw him today. Part of me thought he was just a figment of my imagination.”

  Charlie widened her smile and looked at Jess. Mandy’s head turned too, and she said, “He looks just like Mom.”

  He nodded with a smile and gave Mandy one last hug before hopping into Charlie’s car
. As Charlie was hugging Mandy goodbye, Jess shot his head out the window and said, “I’ll call you soon.”

  “You better!” Mandy called as Charlie got into the car.

  Chapter Two

  “She never knew what happened to me,” Jesse said while sharing a slice of apple pie with Charlie at a nearby diner.

  “Well, what happened with her? I mean, did she stay at the house with your parents?” asked Charlie.

  He nodded and drank from his glass of ginger ale. “Yeah, but not for long. I figure she woke up a few months after I left. She said that by the time she was seven, Mom was institutionalized.”

  Charlie stopped chewing and set her fork down. Covering her mouth to speak, she said, “Institutionalized? What for?”

  He shrugged. “Well, Mom had the same…affliction as I do. Mandy doesn’t remember much; she was so young. But she remembers Mom calling my name in her sleep. I guess she just couldn’t hack it. I doubt she took medication for it.” Charlie nodded and he continued. “The hospital could probably provide the meds she needed to steady herself.”

  Charlie swallowed. “And your father?”

  Jess wiped his mouth and slowly closed his eyes. When he opened them, he said, “Mandy stayed with him until…she just couldn’t anymore. Eventually she started spending more time with the neighbors and their kids. By the time she hit middle school, she was sleeping over every night. She says she thought the parents knew that something wasn’t ‘right’ with Dad, so they didn’t question the amount of time she was spending there.”

  “And now?” she asked.

  “Well, I guess Mom and Dad are still alive, wasting away in their surroundings, alone. Mom in a ward and Dad in an apartment. Who knows? Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it was meant to be,” he said, looking around the room in thought. “All I know is that Mandy is a part of my life again.” He looked down, picking up his fork and playing with a piece of streusel on the crust. A small smile lightened his face.