Rewired (The Progress Series) Page 20
“So, you’re married then?”
I smiled at his warmth and concern for my happiness. “Yes.” I nodded. “Sam and I married five years ago.”
He exhaled. “Now I really need a smoke. Come on.” His head tipped in the direction of the door behind us. He rose and reached into his pocket for his Marlboro Mediums.
I followed him outside onto the empty patio and shivered once the cool air rushed through me. “It’s been a cold year, hasn’t it?” I asked.
He laughed, and I could feel my entire face light up. I forgot how absolutely breathtaking he is.
“You want to cut the small talk, Charlie? It was never something we did well.”
My smile widened. “Then tell me about you. I’m dying to know what you’ve been doing for the past eight years.”
“But you already know, don’t you?” He grinned.
The corners of my mouth flickered downward for a moment.
“You call Lily every year on her birthday to check in. I’m pretty sure she’s filled you in on a few details.”
I laughed. “Busted. I should’ve known she’d tell you.” I shrugged. “I know a few things, but I want to hear them from you.”
“Fair enough.” He smiled. “Well, about two years after…I left,” his brow furrowed, “I went back to school and got my degree in elementary education.”
I nodded. “Continue.”
He took a drag from his cigarette. “Then after I graduated, it took a while for me to find a job, but eventually I got one in social work. My questionable criminal background kept me from getting a job teaching. And I’ve been there now for two years. I also volunteer once a week after school with some of the kids that are just learning their instruments.”
“Music?” My face lit up. “Lily didn’t tell me that.”
He smiled. Putting out his cigarette, he held the door open for me, ushering me back into the restaurant. After taking our seats again, I asked, “How is Mandy?”
He gulped a new beer and smiled. “She’s good. Real good. She just got married last year.”
“Oh, that’s so great. Did you go to the wedding?”
“I was in it.” He scratched the back of his head. “Our father passed away a few years ago, and she wanted someone to walk her down the aisle.”
“I bet even if he was still alive, she would’ve asked you anyway.”
He exhaled and avoided eye contact. “I don’t want this to get weird.” He paused to look at me. “But I’ve really missed you. I’m so glad you emailed me.”
“It won’t get weird. There’s a lot of history here. We already broke the ice, the rest will be a piece of cake.” I winked.
“I can’t stay long today. My…” He scratched his eyebrow with his thumb, reluctant to say the next words. “My girlfriend is a little uneasy with this whole thing.”
I laughed. “I’m sorry, but Sam has her beat.”
He agreed with a laugh.
“No, I get it. I don’t blame her. How long have the two of you been together?”
“A little over a year.”
“Any kids?” I asked.
He answered with slight reluctance. “Um, no. I don’t think I’ll ever be a dad. It’s a little too much for me to process, I think.”
I nodded and looked down.
“I know you want to ask it, so just do it,” he said.
“Okay. Are you still taking your meds? Smoking weed? Drinking? Are you still going to your doctor appointments…” Yikes. It all rushed out way too fast.
He started laughing. “God, I missed you.”
I exhaled. Whew.
“Have you played chess recently?” he asked quickly.
Laughing, I replied, “No. I’ve played two games of chess my entire life, and I won the second one. I figured I’d quit while I was ahead.”
He laughed. “So you live around here, then?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Sam and I bought my parents’ house.”
He bit the inside of his cheek and chuckled. “Perfect.”
“So, are you going to tell me then? How you’ve been and if you’re okay?” I pleaded.
“Everything is great, Charlie. God, I have so much to tell you.” There was seriousness in his tone and yet he seemed anxious to be talking to me. “I’m happy to report that I no longer do anything you wouldn’t approve of, and am sticking to all the things you would. And I’m…really happy.” He sighed. “Are you happy?”
I ignored my teary eyes, feeling silly about the pure joy I was experiencing. “Yes, Jess. I’m very happy.”
After twenty minutes, Jesse put on his jacket. “I gotta go. But I wanted to ask you about this book.”
“Yeah. The book. Well, I don’t have much to go on, just a few old journal entries and what my memory has retained. But, not only did I want to get your permission, but I was hoping you’d help me with it.” I winced, hoping he wouldn’t start yelling at me. You just never know about those triggers of his.
“Why do you need my permission?” He laughed.
“Well, there’s some pretty personal stuff I’d have to write about.” Obviously!
He shrugged. “Then call it fiction and change my name. Unfortunately I don’t know how much help I could be; you know my memory.”
“Well, there’s nothing like jogging the memory than reliving the past, right?”
He nodded and stood, smiling. “Does this mean I get to see you again?”
I smiled. “You bet your ass it does.”
He took a step toward the door and turned back. “What are you going to call it?”
I flashed a devilish grin and met his prying eyes. “I was thinking…Progress.”
Quickly laughing he said, “Fitting.” He took a step toward me and raised his eyebrow. “When do we get started?”
I leaned back in my seat with an appreciative sigh.
A Letter to the Reader
from Jess
Hi guys. It’s me, Jess. I’m sure you have a million not so favorable things you’d like to say to me right now. But just wait. I have a few things I’d like to explain.
I walked away from Charlie forever that day. And I think that both you and I know it was the right thing to do. My apologies to you if you thought I should’ve realized it sooner. But if you’ve read this far, you know how blind I can be.
It had been almost a decade since I’d heard from her until she contacted me about wanting to tell people our story.
Neither of us had the proper recollection needed to tell the story fluidly. But that’s the way the mind works. Memories shift and twist. We forget the details and the things in between, but we retain the moments that impact us the most.
Everyone fights a battle of which we know nothing about. Charlie was the first for me. The first to love me without judgment. The first to accept me without fear. The first to stay. There are some souls that are born strong. Those are the lucky ones. And then there are those of us who gain our strength through the shit-storm of chaos that our lives throw at us. I continue to fight a war that rages in my mind; a never-ending string of thoughts, moods, and exhausting memories. But I am now a fighter. I am now a survivor. I consider myself a victim, but have chosen to rise above it and arm myself with the thought of becoming a better man than I was yesterday.
I couldn’t have gotten to this point if it weren’t for Charlie. Because I wasn’t born strong, I was forced to become strong. But my beautiful Charlie was both. She was my mother when I needed unconditional love, my friend when I needed someone to talk to, and my lover for all the times I needed to feel someone close without any intentions of letting go.
She will forever be inside of me. She was the one who fought for me and who continues fighting from within me today.
I’m not asking for your forgiveness in my behavior. No one could ask that after witnessing what I did to her. But if you’re still reading this, then you can say you’ve walked a mile in my shoes. And that’s all I ask.
“Think occasi
onally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.”
– Albert Schweitzer
We thank you for reading.
Much Love,
Jess
Acknowledgments
This has been a crazy ride. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I began writing Progress last year. There have been just as many real-life twists and turns in this adventure as there were in all three books, and I am proud to say…I’m still breathing. Barely.
I don’t know if I’ll continue writing after this, I don’t know if anyone is reading my work, I don’t know if this is what I want to be when I finally grow up…but let me tell you what I do know:
I had never been a reader when I began writing. Sure I’d read a few books here and there, but I had no idea of the kind of community that exists in the literary world. And you all are absolutely wonderful. The negative, the positive, and everyone in between. But if you’ve read this far, I just wanted to thank you for taking this ride with me. And what I’ve found in you has amazed me, shocked me, startled me, amused me, humbled me, and floored me. Every one of you is unique, and I appreciate every word you’ve written about my work. So most of all, I need to thank you: the person reading these words right now.
I’m also ecstatic beyond belief about the friendships that I’ve made on this joyride.
First, to Claire C Riley (author of Limerence and Odium): I adore you! You are just the no-bullshit, frank, caring, thoughtful and sincere person I needed to tell me the truth about my stories. I need to give you the credit for making Jesse more likeable (loveable) – because without you, he would’ve just been a jackass. And without you, I would’ve never survived the real-life rollercoaster.
To Missy Johnson (author of So Many Reasons Why and Seduce): My kindred sister… I wish you didn’t live in Australia, because I would be hanging out with you constantly! You’d probably have to tell me to go away at some point. Ha! But seriously, you are the kind of person the literary world needs, because not only are you completely devoted to your craft – spending sleepless nights promoting, writing, and determined to tell stories that people love – but also because of your warm heart and generosity. You are truly one of a kind.
To an author who wishes to remain anonymous (but I have grown to appreciate and respect her and her work): You know who you are. And I can say without a doubt that without your support and constant positive reinforcement, I wouldn’t have continued this journey.
To Beth Rinyu (author of An Unplanned Lesson and The Exception to the Rule): Beth! You. Are. The. Best. Ever. If you don’t know Beth, or haven’t had the privilege of reading her work, I just want to tell you that she is probably the nicest and sweetest person you’ll ever meet. She’s just as precious in real life as her many unparalleled characters. You can’t help but love her to death and want to give her a big squeeze!
To Kaitlyn Oruska (author of The Haven Series): Kaitlyn posted a thread on Goodreads asking to review realistic fiction. This was before I published Interrupted and I was still hesitant in promoting my work. But I gave it a shot. What has happened with my confidence and desire to succeed since Kaitlyn reviewed Progress has driven me to be the best writer I can. She showed me that every voice in this industry should be appreciated for what it is: art. And that is one of the most beautiful things an author can determine about their own work – that everyone has a voice, and everyone has someone listening.
And lastly, to Amy Jackson (my editor): As much as I’d like to claim I’m a writer, I have no words to describe what you mean to me. As I sit here, tears are welling in my eyes for the amount of respect and appreciation I have for you – not only as a person, but also as a friend and someone who is a freak about the written word. I would’ve never gotten Progress off the ground if it weren’t for you, and I realize now that I owe you an apology. Who knew that editors not only get paid, but also usually only go through one draft? Hmph. Not me! Thank you for the countless hours, the frustration, motivations, developments, trials and errors, and devotion you’ve put into this series. You’ve always been one of my favorite people, and you always will be.
There are also people I’d like to thank individually for putting up with each and every draft I made them read. Each one of the people listed below not only contributed to the stories, but gave me unique feedback and allowed Charlie, Sam, and Jesse to be who they were meant to be:
Paris Botoon
Kellie Paquette
Sara Kelly Skow
Elizabeth Gustafson
Jessy Walker
Karalee Vigstol
Albina Izmaylova
Angeleen Freeman
Laura Southwick
Dawn Hennessy Ravn
Jackee Spriggs
Tracy Loomis
Maureen Queau
Giselle Queau
Emily Madden
Nicole Beuthien
Sarah Papineau
Tou Yang
Scott Folke
Stacy Johnson
Karen Johnson
Mercy Cortez
Jessi Fraser
Frost
Giza Sangria
Debra Cooper
Julie Factor
Jolene Factor
Matt Leonetti
Tony Rauch
And lastly, thanks to the following groups/organizations:
RX Bandits – god I love you guys.
The Burnsville, Minnesota Police Department
Table of Contents
Part I – Jesse
Part I – Jesse
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Part II – Samuel
Part II – Samuel
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Part III – Charlie
Part III – Charlie
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Part IV – Charlie and Jesse
Part IV – Charlie and Jesse
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Epilogue
Acknowledgments